I Could But I Didn’t
I’ve changed that to “I could so I did.”
This blog is super personal about what I am up to in the next little while and why.
But it’s also about you.
Why are you doing what you do?
Why are you doing it how you do it?
Are you on a path that’s good for you and those around you or do you need to find another trail?
Can you take a breath and re-think what isn’t giving you joy, what you can give up and what you can re-align?
I love what I do.
In fact, I have been having a hard time letting go of some revenue streams because I am struggling with defining what I love to do most and what I can let go of to create a less strenuous business model.
And since “that which shall remain un-named” hit I’ve had a shit-ton of great work come my way. I was drinking it all in and enjoying it immensely, but I was losing sight of how longer hours and very committed collaborations were not jiving with my priorities and personal relationship wishes. It was easy to work like the dickens since there were very few distractions. Especially for the long, dark months of “you know what” when we were locked down. No traveling, no dinner parties - at our home or at others - no family gatherings and I couldn’t volunteer at my usual haunts. It was a case of “what the heck, I’ll occupy myself with work - which I love - and stash away some extra savings while I’m at it”.
But there is too much of a good thing, right?!
I was beginning to feel I wasn’t at the top of my game. I was over-peopling and I believed it was starting to show. If people and businesses are going to trust you with their time and hand over their bucks, you sure as heck need to deliver a kickin’ experience.
And I needed a break from virtual-everything content. Not to be all whine-y but delivering virtual content is tough for me. And I’m guessing it’s taxing for some of you as well. I am an interactive person and leading sessions where I can’t get a good read on how much value I am bringing to people was wearing thin. I have to know that what I deliver is meaningful, impactful and targeted to what others need. It’s really, really hard to do that with virtual sessions. Even if it is a “meeting” format, many people are too shy (or trying to do other work unseen) to turn on their cameras or unmute to ask questions or add their experience to a conversation. I know, I know “sing me a sad song Kellie”, but this paragraph is actually all about you if I explained it well…
Prior to March 2020, I was tracking to work 30 hours a week max, and take Fridays plus a week a month off. And a long chunk off each year to explore the world. I wrote this goal religiously and got my act together to accomplish it.
The past year and a half though I was often working 40 or 50 hours a week - not outrageous but not my goal. I wasn’t overwhelmed by my work in the classic sense - I was getting it done on time and until very recently I felt proud of it. I didn’t “people” until 10 am and rarely after 4 pm. But I was fitting in some collaboration engagements on the occasional Friday and working longer hours to keep up with creating content and bookkeeping. I was still out on my trails running or walking every morning before I headed into my she-shed office and relishing the evenings with my husband, Jeff. This seems under control to many of you I’m sure, but it was no longer meshing with my vision of my business.
Our kids are grown and have not relied on us financially for more than 10 years. We sacrificed and saved relentlessly when we were younger. We sold some real estate, downsized our home and simplified our life. We created passive income streams.
Jeff and I are by no means wealthy, but we are firmly in that highly-underrated, comfortable baby-boomer middle class. We can take time to slow down and enjoy having control over how much we work.
We could, guilt-free, begin to enjoy spare time to laze about reading or puttering, visiting, volunteering, traveling - slow down the race. Actually, for us, there was no race any more.
Even after this spring, once our family and social circle were all vaccinated and we emerged from lockdown here in Ontario, I didn’t crawl out of my she-shed on a slower-paced schedule. I had become engaged with the great work that was still coming in. I didn’t go back to my goal life-work getup.
And then I had a few curveballs thrown my way. They were smacking people I love more than me - except that these events made me re-evaluate how I was living my life. And made me realize I wasn’t present enough in theirs to support them like I want to.
So I took last week completely off. This was the first week in over 18 months that I didn’t do some work. And I loved it.
I waited for my kettle to boil and my tea to steep - without trying to accomplish 10 little things in those 10 little minutes
I read - entire books about murder & mayhem
I slept past 6 am and stayed up past 9 pm
I thought about my family & friends’ situations and listened at lengths to them about how I could help
And I realized that over time I had allowed other people to take too much care of me.
My husband was doing 90% of our cooking - I appreciated it but I love to cook
He was also organizing most of our social life, including with my girlfriends and family
My family was making together time around my work schedule and I wasn’t making time for them
Since our one daughter bought a house a month ago, I had only been there once
The other one moved to a farm close to us to a week ago and got goats, but I hadn’t been there - I had grandgoats, my dream come true, and I hadn’t played with them
I was running or walking some mornings at our son’s nearby farm, but he was dropping over to our cabin to see me more than I was seeing him there
At some point, I stopped having afternoon tea with my Mom who lives two doors away
It hit home that I was losing touch with my important communities.
My librarians were new and I didn’t know their names or stories
My horse-therapy farm had re-opened but I hadn’t been there until a few days ago - I had to introduce myself to new volunteers
I was no longer walking with my dog-walking girlfriend group
I had zero interest in after-hours Zoom get-togethers with my accounting friendies - or any friends
Sadly, this list could go on longer…
I was also finding myself too tired to fully savour our re-found social life - I would leave events early rather than dance the night away (you know… till 11). That’s not me. Not even close to me.
I was growing out of synch with things I love.
Then this week two things made me hit the reset button.
I raced from a meeting to get to my cousin’s visitation and wasn’t fully present for his family - my family
I was on pins and needles that a victim impact statement I* was delivering, for a friend of over 35 years would be done in time for me to co-host a webinar
Let me repeat that - I was worried that delivering a victim impact statement for a friend that I miss dearly wouldn’t end on time for me to get to work
WTF… :-{
So I made the decision to step off the hamster wheel starting Oct 15th.
That’s when we head to Florida “for the season”.
I was going to take a month off (ish), but as the concept gelled I decided to step away until at least February.
I’ll be engaging in a few things that don’t feel time-committed. Engagements that I feel I can do joyfully.
Scaling New Heights - I’m going for a few days, not the whole conference though - I can’t wait to be with “my people” IRL, but I’m not ready for too much of them
I have the best (the honest to goodness best) bookkeeping clients and the work I do for them is relaxing, plus I can do it when it suits me - so that’s staying
Bookkeeping projects for other accounting professionals - if it comes in when I want to do it, I’m in
Last-minute one-off coaching gigs - if they fit into a non-committable schedule that would be fun
My app partner work that isn’t on a schedule
I love creating content, I look forward to quietly pecking out some blogs on their behalf
Participating in sessions, but it will only be last-minute - round-table or product demo virtuals - and maybe some IRL gigs :-}
Social media engagement and app advocacy - yup, I love hanging about on social media with y’all as well as spreading the good word about apps that will brighten lives
Tweaking and creating templates - of course
Email blasts and blogs - maybe, but not on a schedule that’s for sure
What is so different is that there will be no 9 - 5 (or 6/7), no schedule, no rigid commitments, no planning and prepping… no blow-drying my hair.
If I wind up doing nothing other than my client bookkeeping work and low-key app advocacy that’s cool too.
Enough about me, back to you now.
I didn’t write this gloat or brag that I can take time off.
I wrote it for you to start a conversation with yourself - and perhaps the people around you. I want you to take a hard look at your business and life.
Why you do what you do
How you do it
When you do it
What you can do to put change into motion
Can your story change to “I could so I did”?
Thoughtfully Yours, Kellie
*If you read the article about the impact statement, I am legally Kellie McClintock
